I saw this bathroom sign in my sons’ school a week ago. Talk about inclusion. I’m not only pleased that my boys are being exposed to open inclusion, I’m delighted they are getting the message that they can be whoever they are at home and at school. NO question in my mind the data proves if a child, teen or adult has questions about their gender their life is at risk for being harder. This is manifest in the high rates of anxiety and depression, bullying and ridicule, and feelings of isolation in those who are gender non-conforming and transgender. This is only estimated to be about 1% of the population (numbers are imprecise as many people hide this challenge) but how we all support those who question their gender matters for us all, the 99% of us who don’t have this challenge.
We must have compassion and empathy for children and teens who are transgender and gender non-conforming. We must accept children and teens and their families, and we can connect children and families who struggle with resources (below).
Children Are Born With Gender, Parenting Has Little To Do With It
- Research shows that gender is established at birth. That means children are often born knowing if they are a boy or a girl irregardless of their sex (the chromosomes/genes that determine their body’s appearance and sexual characteristics). Sometimes children know this early, sometimes later in life.
- Research shows that there is no evidence that parenting is responsible for a child having a different gender than their sex. Meaning — parents don’t have control, with their actions, over their child’s gender. They can’t change a child’s gender.
- Research shows that children are less likely to end their life when they have challenges with their gender identity if they are accepted by their families. This means children who grow up in homes who accept them are less likely to suffer. Maybe a no-duh, but it’s something all parents should know.
This is complicated stuff, of course, and isn’t the same for all children and teens. Some children question their gender early in life (as early as preschool years) and will traverse childhood knowing they are transgender while other teens may find out at the onset of puberty that something isn’t quite right. Some children or teens just don’t identify with one gender or another (gender non-conforming). When they question this, we want to make sure they get what they need.
The most important message is that we must be open to what children express, connect children, teens and families with resources they need, and be aware of the risks for suffering in children who question their gender. Thankfully, there are lots of people to help and resources. Seattle Children’s Hospital now offers a specific clinic to support transgender and gender non-conforming children and teens (age 8-21 years). Experts and staff provide support for puberty blocking (stopping onset of pubertal development) or hormone therapy (hormones to have body characteristics match gender). They can also support conversations and planning for those who want to transition.
Statistics & Risks For Transgender Children And Teens
- Transgender population is hard to define, probably less than 1% of adolescents
- All gender non-conforming are at increased risk for bullying, anxiety, depression & suicide
- 71% of transgender people said they hid their gender or gender transition to try to avoid discrimination