Parenting

All Articles in the Category ‘Parenting’

What You Can Do: Children And Safe Gun Storage

Gun Safety family on hillGun violence is a tricky topic to write about. It’s emotionally laden, there are political overtones that bring out passion and I find quicksand when I never expect it.

No matter where you fall on issues related to firearm safety, there is no doubt that we all want the same thing: healthy communities, healthy families, and safe environments to raise our children.

Unfortunately, we continue to have countless reminders about the curiosity of children in the presence of a loaded firearm. No question children and guns are a dangerous combination.

According to the Behavior Risk Factor Surveillance Survey that is administered nationally by CDC, in 2013, there were an estimated 73,000 Washington state children that resided in homes where guns were loaded and unlocked. Nationally, 1.7 million children and teens in the U.S. live in a home with a loaded, unlocked gun.

Kids don’t always know what to do when they find one, but curiosity leads. In a research study entitled, “Seeing Is Believing,” researchers put boys in a room where there were water guns and pistols and watched behind a mirror while they played. The 8 to 12 year-old boys who stumbled upon a gun had a hard time figuring out it if was a toy or a real gun. When they did find it, almost half pulled the trigger. Half pulled the trigger! CURIOSITY is that innocent, protectable right of children that drives this dangerous act.

I don’t need to detail deaths, but quick mentions of gun-related injuries and tragic losses in America can bring fresh energy for necessary safety measures we are all responsible for, gun owners or not. A 3-year-old in New Mexico shot his parents when he grabbed a gun out of his mother’s purse and not the iPod or phone he was searching for. The mother was pregnant and there was also a 2-year-old girl in the room at the time. In the past month we’ve heard about the horrific tragedies with three shootings on college campuses and the unthinkable tragedy of an 11-year-old who shot an 8-year-old this past month over wanting to see a puppy.

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Know Your Role: Parents and Sports

soccer lightIn any youth game or match there are typically four roles: player, coach, referee, and parent. You only get to choose one. We’re headed off to the first of 3 soccer games today. A joy, really, to watch these little boys enjoy their team, struggle to do their best, wrangle their wits and learn to play on a team. My boys aren’t the star players (that’s for sure) but they love it when something goes well. They work hard for goals that rarely come. They really do enjoy knowing when they’ve passed a ball successfully. There is no question they love feeling they belong on these teams and they really do enjoy playing the game. That’s why we have kept it up.

I used to debrief after the games with my boys — discussing what went well and what didn’t — at first they seemed to love that. And then I heard the advice from other parents ahead of me and from those who have dealt with the not-so-great coaches:

Know your role. You only get one.

In any game or sport there are the players or competitors (your child), there is a coach, and there is the referee keeping it fair. You’re none of those and even if the person in one of those roles isn’t performing at their best it’s earnestly not your job to correct it. You just don’t want to be the backseat driver here (and your child certainly doesn’t want to hear it) and you really don’t want to have the ugly habits we’ve all seen.

In any game or match you’re observing you’re only one thing: the parent.

I’ve spent the last few years telling my boys how much I enjoyed watching them play the game at the end of each game as opposed to discussing how much I liked watching them succeed or how I felt for them while they failed.

I’m thankful for the advice I was given — it’s made the soccer Saturday madness a bit less high-stakes and it’s focused and honed the joy.

I hope the advice I heard helps you, too. I welcome any more advice or pearls you have.

Also, this sign is legendary and spot on:

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“Like I Needed Another Reason Not To Sleep At Night”

Today was the Great Shake Out. My boys let me know what happened at 10:15 today at school: “the ‘ole drop, cover, and hold” said my 6 year-old. The technical instructions are “drop, cover, and hold on” but we get his drift. The numbers couldn’t have been better today 10-15-2015 for a 10:15am reminder of how important it is and how good it can feel to know what to do when an earthquake strikes.

Another thing: when you’re having a bad day, why not practice the drop, cover and hold? I mean…..

Okay but seriously, Dr. Suzan Mazor and I are teaming up again to work on updating our emergency/disaster kits. You might have seen us putting together our first kit back in 2010. The New Yorker article that made headlines this summer re-ignited my decision (and remarkable fear) to have a plan in place should the worst happen. You read the article and I know you’ll say, “like I needed another reason not to sleep at night?” Great thing is planning and preparation truly is the antidote to fear.

My REFRESH card prompted me to realized that our water expires this year and it’s pretty obvious since it has nearly evaporated. True.

All instructions for what you need in your kit and what you need in your communication plan are below. You’ve waited until now. Seriously no reason to wait any longer if you don’t have a 3-day kit in place. A promise for me that is easy to make:

I know you’ll feel better having done this.

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Do You RWDD? Pot At Age 12 And Teen Driving

Teen Driving Pie ChartNew acronym for me this week: RWDD. It’s “Riding With a Drinking Driver.” Not a drunk one, but someone who has been drinking. Risky at any age, but particularly when it’s high school. But before I get to that lemme acknowledge that texting has changed the lexicon, upped the capacity for quick communication in our lives, and earnestly transformed some of our relationships. Clearly we’re all learning a ton about shortcuts in communication. I think about this in my personal life but also what impact texting and digital technology has on how we deliver health care, how we partner and listen to populations, how we hear the worries of parents and caregivers and how we share what we know. Sometimes it seems we’re just always trying to catch up. I learned all sorts of new teen texting acronyms & idoms last week on CNN that extend past “lol” and “ICYMI” (see: OOTD, KOTD, and smash <– phew). But no one mentioned RWDD.

A study out yesterday in Pediatrics is worth a quick mention to any parent or any adult or any family doc or any pediatrician or any nurse practitioner or any medical assistant or any coach or any teacher that has contact/supervision/leadership/influence with a teen. The study, conducted on middle school students in the Los Angeles area, found that positive beliefs about marijuana at age 12 were predictors of later getting a DUI or RWDD when a new teen driver 4 years later. Translation: middle school is a wild time of transition and the time we should check in about marijuana’s lack of safety and risks associated with alcohol. Researchers conclude that 6th grade is when we should be talking with our tweens, that “positive beliefs and ability to resist marijuana in early adolescence, not actual alcohol and marijuana use, had the strongest association with DUI and RWDD ∼4 years later.”

No question that we send a wildly confusing message about pot to children and teens with our state’s legalization. Most teens think legal = safe and that’s where we’re potentially setting up our teens for big mistakes. Getting high seems fun to teens and it may seem more fun with something that appears to be “safer….”

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When Did You Last Have 48 Hours Alone?

FullSizeRender (4)This past weekend I had 48 hours alone. I mean really, f-o-r-t-y-e-i-g-h-t hours with no commitments. No one expecting me home, zero rushing, zero obligations, and no racing home. I did things I haven’t done, well, ever. I went to a movie alone, woke up and read a magazine cover-to-cover, went for a couple runs, sat on a hill at the sculpture museum for just shy of 2 hours without my phone in my hand. I spent time just letting my mind wander. This wasn’t the kind of alone time I experience when I’m traveling for work. This was real, true alone time at home.

Although it’s rare that the stars align, and it’s a challenge to make sure our families and our children are being cared for and in good spots without us, I can’t endorse enough finding time to just be alone.

Because my boys and husband were off camping this past weekend I went out to dinner entirely by myself with absolutely no end time. I read a book. I slept 9 hours straight for 2 nights in a row. At one point I seriously did NOTHING for a couple of hours. I didn’t accomplish anything I could check off a to-do list. It was perfect.

Opting out may be essential for thriving, creativity, and refueling. This may be one skill we’re regularly forgetting to model and teach our children.

I mean earnestly, when is the last time you had a couple of days entirely alone? For me I realized it was way back in medical school….some 12 or 15 years ago.

Part of my unscheduled time during the 2 days my family was away was prompted by listening to this 15-minute podcast: The Case For Boredom

Maybe we really can prioritize white space for ourselves and our kids

What kind of time-alone parent are you? I mean I get it that things have to be in good balance in life for this to make sense, no one can be ill or hurting in a big way. But I wonder if we can do this more. Will you take the poll — are you better at this than me? If so, just HOW do you pull it off?

Head Lice, School, And OTC Treatment

Raise your hand if you never had head lice before going to college. Your hand isn’t in the air, is it? Turns out, lice is common. And no question, it’s wildly unsettling for us all. It’s a new world when it comes to prevention and treatment though — more choice, less stigma and less school disruption. Twentieth-century lice care is no more.

Back in 2010 the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) updated its recommendations on lice. Basically, schools are no longer encouraged to send children home with lice or keep them away from school. Lice spreads from child to child but it’s certainly nothing like measles. Sending children home from school for a “non-health issue” doesn’t make sense. Further, lice can be living on your child’s head for up to 30 days without hatching (horrifying I know) and can be around for weeks before causing itching the first time around so an urgent send-the-lice-infested-kid-home policy just doesn’t make a lot of sense. Thing is, this changes the game. We all want to get rid of lice on our child’s head immediately, but we’re dependent on all the other families in school doing the same so we don’t get it AGAIN…

In the midst of a lice “crisis,” don’t beat yourself up. This has nothing to do with hygiene. It has more to do with bad luck.

“Head lice are not a health hazard or a sign of poor hygiene and, in contrast to body lice, are not responsible for the spread of any disease.” American Academy of Pediatrics

KYOTC Lice 1New 2015 guidelines from the AAP offer some tips for getting your family lice-free as quickly as possible. Lots of over-the-counter (OTC) ways to deal with it. OTC treatments are safe and effective. However, lice are tricky and have been found to have resistance patterns that aren’t entirely understood at this point (the prevalence is unknown)– so rarely a parent needs to switch treatments. That means sometimes we do all the right things and even with the BEST routine and adherence and lice possibly remain. If you suspect you’re not getting rid of lice at home despite great treatment routines, involve your pediatrician. Often ongoing lice is simply that your child is getting re-infested at school or sports. Or they weren’t gone in the first place.

Follow instructions on the bottle — many treatments need to be repeated about 7-10 days after first application.

Sometimes it may be that you need to swap treatments. It’s RARE that you need a prescription treatment. Your child’s clinician can help recommend a transition to prescription medications. The prescription meds are expensive and often unnecessary but one does have the benefit of requiring only a one-time treatment and no combing.

If the thought of chemicals of any kind on your family’s skin is unappealing, manual removal by “wet-combing” or suffocation through hair is acceptable and can sometimes be effective (things like mayonnaise, butter, oils) yet there is no real hard data about effectiveness. It’s important to note that wet-combing should be repeated once a week for at least three weeks if you do this to ensure all lice and nits are removed as you must comb through entire scalp and hair fastidiously.

Discovering lice is clearly in the no-fun parenting category, but it’s also NO BIG DEAL. From experience (x 2) I can say best thing we can do is calm down, head to the drug store, comb away, wash the linens and move on.

What Parents Need To Know

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Another 20 Questions, Another School Year

last gasp of summerTime is so slippery. As we get older we feel the slip of time differently, having children pulls these time-space continuums to extremes. Nothing slower than a night with an infant who won’ t sleep and nothing seems faster than a school-age child flying through grade levels. As we prep for the beginning of the school year again this year I cannot help mentioning that it is clearly a delight to see our little humans head back into the classroom. But a little part of me whimpers inside, too. Tomorrow school really is supposed to start.

When O got up this morning and joined us at the breakfast table his first muttering was, “Why is it so dark?” I know some have been back in school for weeks but in the Seattle area many of us are just getting back to it.

There’s heartache and anxiety that comes with day one of school because the day is so emblematic for a year of what is to come. First day is packed of a blend of hopes and dreams, worries and insecurities, and pure unbridled excitement. For the last few years I’ve been asking the boys 20 standard questions just before they start. Here’s what they said this year:

20 Questions At School Start:

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4 Things To Know If Your Son Is Off To College

male college prepYou may have already read yesterday’s blog on preparing your daughter for college. Much of my advice for girls, of course, also pertains to boys (and vice versa). I’m writing two separate posts only for the purpose of getting people to read this content, not to differentiate. I added one section here for boys (on alcohol and risks) not because it’s an issue for boys only. In fact, we know that 1 out of every 5 high school girls binge drinks (see below).

If you have a boy heading off to college this fall there are a few things to know to help improve his safety and success this year. Of anything I know from my experience being a previous school teacher, and now pediatrician and mom to boys (still 10 years away from college!) the transition from HS to college-age is one steeped in emotion for all. In addition to the tips I’ve provided for girls, alcohol and the HPV vaccine are topics to discuss to ensure it’s a better and safer year for your son (or daughter) this year.

ONE: Safe Sex & Birth Control – What Your Teen Son May Need To Know:

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3 Things To Know If Your Daughter Is Off To College

Prepping for college - female.pngIf you have a daughter getting ready to head to college this fall, holy moly I’m excited for you. In clinic it’s clear to me that the huge transition from high school to college-age brings great joy but also a remarkable sense of unrest for everyone, too. Vaccines, birth control, and suicide prevention may not top your to-do list while packing the car but there’s no question these are 3 things you can check in on to ensure it’s a better and safer year for your daughter. Not only is a brand new meningitis vaccine available to college-age girls this fall, included here are reminders with ways to support your daughter and her health as she heads off to learn even more…

ONE: Birth Control Options For Your Teen Daughter

1. Amazing Resources To Prevent Unwanted Pregnancy

The CDC confirms that as girls head off to college we know over 40% of them have had sex. And although 4 in 5 of them used a form of birth control the last time they had sex, only about 5% are using the most effective forms to prevent pregnancy. Read full post »

It’s Gotta Be Screen Time Somewhere

Illustration by David Rosenman

Illustration by David Rosenman

My boys always want it to be screen time. I don’t think that is changing anytime soon. These apps, shows, games, and devices are only getting smarter at capturing their attention.

It feels like there isn’t a giant list of new advice to share regarding “screen time.” But because of the recent media focus and deluge of content on “screen addiction,” coupled with recommendations for dealing with screens while parenting this summer, I’m here with a few responses and observations. It seems to me, parents (all of us) are looking for a couple of things in the content we read about parenting with screens: permission and hacks for simplicity. This post will perhaps offer neither. Until the end.

Most of us acknowledge that not all screens are the same, nor is all programming, nor are the stages of life where apps and screens are enjoyed (infants versus an 8 year-old). “Screen time” is an issue layered with complexity. Parenting during this explosive device development era demands simple rules and dictums for limiting their use help, but the rules by themselves limit the development of full-on zealots. No one follows the rules like religion. Parents, grandparents and caregivers aren’t devout to recommendations because we claim the rules just don’t fit into the context of our lives. Most of us figure out a way to make justifiable exceptions. It’s simply too easy to pull out your phone, especially when it delights your child the way it does, and entertain. But no question that with the rules out there stressing non-use and limits, we’re left feeling a little guilty anytime we left our children indulge. Imagine knowing that screens before bed interfere with the “sleep hormone” melatonin (the light emitted from the screen limits secretion) but even so still choosing to let your children “chill out” with a video for a 1/2 hour before bed each night. Or imagine following the no-screen-time-before-age 2 religiously for your first child but then breaking this rule routinely when you have a second one! This just happens all the time. Read Why No TV Before Bed Is Better. Read full post »