Striving For “Polygamy” In The Digital Age
Dr Stephen Ludwig, one of my most treasured mentors from medical school gave a speech last year that he entitled, “Striving For Polygamy.” I didn’t get to hear it live but I’ve read the speech many times since then. He wasn’t talking about polygamy like you’d expect. Rather, he spoke to the goal of balancing a set of marriages described by the poet David Whyte in his book, The Three Marriages. The goal for all of us might be balancing 3 essential marriages in our lives: a marriage to our family, a marriage to our work, and a marriage to ourselves. Where social and digital media fit into this “polygamy” remains unknown. That’s where we’re all working hard to find harmony with our devices, as seemingly technology lives in all 3 of these spheres.
Think about it. How often do we take the time to put all three of these marriages on the table? I certainly don’t balance these well all the time. Although I believe in compartmentalization, the act of prioritizing ourselves amidst our deadlines while in the presence of our beautiful children is a challenge. Often when we’re raising young children we fall out of balance–the necessary daily tasks in raising children to adulthood take over while pushing other commitments asunder. When coupled with work, our personal care suffers. This imbalance creates a work-family frenzy for so many of us where we’re left with a dearth of time for personal reflection and much less silence.
In a quest for silence, I’m taking a 1 month sabbatical from the blog. Last August I took a sabbatical away from social tools to create more space and time with my children and more time in search of reflection and quiet. Stillness.
Technology and ever-available networks, communities, work inboxes, and devices have incredible and essential utility in improving our lives and our health. But so does the real, quiet world. I’ll be back in September. In the meantime, I’ll be with my family and friends, my patients, and the ever-elusive silence that surrounds us.
Without question, for nearly all of us, parenthood is the center, the privilege, and the highlight of our lives. Like a glowing pin at the center of a large target in the middle of the night, our children are really our focus points. We often see that very clearly, even with dark glasses.
It’s almost a relief that it’s summer vacation. For the sake of our children, I mean. The buzz about the horrific, deadening, jaw-dropping news regarding the massacre in Colorado may be slightly less focused at the center of their lives–they’re not congregating in the hall or at recess. Well, maybe. That’s the difference between 1999 and 2012–
Vaccine hesitancy comes in all flavors. It’s not always concerns about safety that causes children, teens, and parents to hesitate or even refuse vaccines. Sometimes it’s about pain. Or simply discomfort. Or anxiety. It’s perfectly natural, of course, to have a fear of needles. It’s rare that a child enjoys the pain of an injection (although those kids, even at young ages, are out there).
This post sounds a lot like it’s written by a doctor (I’m colored by the holidays I’ve spent working in the ER). I feel strongly about not using fireworks with children. Fireworks have always kind of freaked me out. When I was a child my father loved fireworks and used to terrify me by surprising me with hidden explosions in the bushes and whirling bottle rockets off the deck. I like professional fireworks in the sky but I do tend to keep a good distance…scarred for life I guess.