‘parenting’

All Articles tagged ‘parenting’

Chickenpox Parties

pox party de-identifiedToday a Seattle mom advertised on an online parenting community that both of her children had chickenpox and then invited (non-vaccinated) children over for exposure. That’s the invite from 1:19pm today.

It turns out people are still having chickenpox parties.

Part of this makes my head spin. I just don’t get it, despite having had many families in my practice decline or hesitate or delay the chickenpox shot. I don’t think parents know what virus they are dealing with. After I posted this invitation on Twitter, I had physicians all over the country sharing stories (some included below).

Chickenpox can cause serious infection complications and rarely it can be lethal. Before the vaccine was approved and put into use in 1995, hundreds of children and adults died in this country every year from chickenpox and thousands were hospitalized. Although most young children get chickenpox and recover (only left with pox or scars) some children develop life-threatening secondary infections. Some children develop severe pneumonia (1 in 1000 children), some develop brain infections, and some children develop flesh-eating bacterial infections in their scabs that can even be fatal.

There is a safe, highly effective vaccine for chickenpox: Varicella Vaccine.

After I saw the pox party invite this afternoon I became slightly enraged. I mean, there are NUMEROUS children and adults in our community immunosuppressed and/or on chemo that could develop life-ending complications if exposed to varicella. And some families are intentionally exposing their children to a potentially harmful infection. After 2 doses of the chickenpox shot (varicella) 99% of patients are immune to chickenpox. Although some children can get chicken pox once vaccinated, they typically only have a few pox and do not develop severe side effects or die.

The pox party just shows me how much work we have to do to build trust in vaccines and vaccine-safety. My boys have both had 2 doses of the varicella vaccine. I’m thrilled they are protected and unlikely to ever get chickenpox or spread it to a community member who could be more at risk. They likely won’t get shingles, either.

Chickenpox Facts & Stats:

  • Varicella shots hurt upon injection (children tell me it really stings). We give the shot twice, once at 1 year of age and once at 4 years of age. The shot can commonly cause arm soreness and lowgrade fever. In less than 5% of children, a small rash develops, often around the site of the shot. That’s a good sign the immune system is being triggered to fight off future infections. The rash that can develop after the shot is not contagious. Read full post »

Listening To The Periphery

hallway baconWe learn so much from our children. How to slow down, how to speed up, how not to behave. How to be present, mindful, and attentive to immediate needs. I’m not always entirely mindful and I certainly find myself easily distracted–it’s not just the phone I need to put down. Yet one low moment of distraction came to light late last summer when my 4 year-old literally put his body between my phone and my face to get my attention.

But ever since August I’ve felt more aware of the moments that pile on and feel more able to witness those I am lucky enough to work with and those with whom I am lucky enough to spend time. I enjoy clinical medicine more since I felt a more intimate proximity to my own mortality. I enjoy my children more and my time alone more, too.

It’s often those much younger and those much older and more experienced that clarify issues and help us focus the lens. It seems to me the simplicity of knowing what to do and what matters most stems up from those at the periphery. I’m not saying those of us stuck in the middle of this generational sandwich don’t have insight, I just think we draw heavily from those for whom we are indebted for their pace, their age, and their innocence.

I learn so much from children every day. In clinic today my stomach dropped at one point simply because of the story shared by a 6 year-old. The day had been laid out differently because at our morning huddle in clinic we review comments that come in. A patient had detailed in a comment card that he/she felt the nurse and medical assistant had spent more time listening to them than the doctor had. Sometimes we can do such a bad job showing those for whom we care we’re listening. It’s pretty obvious that as we work hard to witness our lives we often get more quiet. I feel so much more porous to the lessons in this wicked-packed-full-generational sandwich. Which reminded me of this: Read full post »

Something For Parents At The Park

Screen Shot 2013-02-16 at 5.37.00 PMThis is post from my friend, Anne Gantt. I love this concept and am inspired by the idea of parents pumping iron at the park. I’m hoping we can move this conversation forward. Please share ideas from your own neighborhoods in comments.

As a stay-at-home mom, I spend a ton of time at our neighborhood park while my 2 ½ and 4 year-old children zip down slides, scramble over the jungle gym, or chase each other in the woodchips. While they’re running around like little olympic athletes, I mostly just stand there doing nothing. A lot of nothing. Sound familiar?

That’s originally why I daydreamed about putting fitness equipment for adults in our park. I’d love to get a little exercise without having to resort to taking a turn on the monkey bars. The interesting thing is that installing adult fitness equipment will improve the park…for kids. This truly can be a win-win.

The park in question is here in Seattle– University Playground— it has a big grassy field, tennis courts, and beautiful new equipment for kids. It also has one of the very few public restrooms in the whole neighborhood–thus attracting a crowd. It sits in a tenuous location, one block from Interstate-5 and smack in the University District, which means the park sees a lot of illicit activity. Even worse, the illicit (I’m talking drug sales, etc) activity tends to happen in the section of the park right next to the playground.

Believe it or not, I’ve picked up more than a couple of used needles out of the woodchips myself.

Our park’s unsavory elements definitely scare some people off. I recently talked with a neighbor who refuses to take his 4-year old grandson to the park out of a concern for safety. This, even though their living room window looks right out onto the playground.

Something had to change. Urban dwelling can be better than this. Read full post »

Soccer Mom

Soccer net

I had an unusually good time watching my boys play soccer this past weekend. It’s not always been easy to get our youngest on the field and I’m not the mom who’s really loved being there. There’s been years of standing on the cold sideline where I didn’t think the boys were getting much out of it. And there have been countless minutes on that sideline where I’ve been consumed, weighing the costs and benefits of the soccer class, while my coffee went cold. Fortunately, something has changed recently. I’m certain it’s not only me who’s noticed–the boys seem differently positioned as well. Although I look in from the net and see something that seems entirely clear (a soccer field, a group of children–excited and eager [or exhausted and angry], and a coach) these little boys have reminded me yet again of the diversity of vantage points we share. They really do see those green fields as a part of their future. A great coach can really make our children immensely proud and excited to be alive.

Wonder is priceless and the pristine innocence harbored within our children often delivers moments unique to childhood. Children often hold the gift of believing that anything is possible. So often when they share this perspective we get to see a glimpse of unconfined opportunity. We’re reminded of our own potential, too.

Two things recently passed through my ears I have to share. They’ve enhanced my soccer mom experience immensely. Read full post »

Let Us Break The Silence on Stillbirth

This is really beautiful. There’s little to say other than we can do a better job supporting parents in their loss and in the celebration of their children’s life and legacy.

Watch this and enjoy the amazing amount of love you will feel…

“I want the baby I didn’t have.”  “I feel like a bad luck charm around other moms.”

“I couldn’t understand why that happened to me…”

“His life was a good thing.”   “People say really sad, crazy things.”

“We said don’t come and they came….that was what we needed.”

“I love to tell people about my son…I don’t get enough chances to talk about him.”

“His life was a good thing.”

“I’m not afraid to mention him.”  “Why don’t they tell you about it?”

“You second guess everything you did, everything you didn’t do.”

“I don’t want another baby. I want the baby that I didn’t have.”

“I love to tell people about my son… I just don’t get enough chances to talk about him.”

Mindful Parenting

mindful and the skyThere was a moment, just after President Obama was sworn into the office earlier this week, that I’ve been returning to in my thoughts relentlessly. He turned amidst the regal archway of The Capital and stopped. His accompanying family and tribe of lawmakers waited. He said something like, “I want to take a look one more time.” And then he looked back upon The Mall and seemed to take it all in. A few seconds, maybe 1/2 a minute or so. Not long, no, but the moment seemed to take up enormous space. Quietly, eyes wide open, he looked out to the millions that had come to celebrate and bear witness to his honor and his responsibility. Instead of looking at him, my eyes migrated to his daughter, Malia. I saw her watching.

It may have been mindfulness.

It’s of course never clear to an outsider who is mindful or not. Thinking and spending energy to be more present is a passtime that I was introduced to as a medical student because of the work of Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn. I use lessons from his work in my personal and professional life on a daily basis. Therefore, it was a sincere joy last night to sit amidst 1000 other parents and hear Jon Kabat-Zinn and his wife Myla talk about, “Mindful Parenting.” I was surrounded by my husband and friends, many colleagues and pediatricians, and I was lucky enough to sit near parents of my patients. It was community. To me it felt like a needed touchstone and a hearty reminder of how nicely being mindful fits into a busy, reflective, hectic, and imperfect life.

5 Lessons From Kabat-Zinns On Mindful Parenting:

  • Mindfulness is not the antithesis of anything. There is no single ill or evil that impedes it. In fact, the last question on the night from the audience begged The Kabat-Zinns to detail the biggest obstacle to mindfulness. They couldn’t answer it really. All this, precisely because mindfulness in its simplicity is openness, compassion, and love. At the opening of the talk, Jon helped us recognize the work that it took to bring us there, amidst the heavy Thursday raindrops, rush hour traffic, busy workweeks, needy toddlers or teens at home, and the truth that there was potentially something else we really should be doing. He reminded us all that is was LOVE that had brought us together to listen to ideas about mindful parenting. This we all share. This is why mindfulness is possible for everyone at every time in their life. Each new moment is evolving into something entirely new.
  • At one point, Dr Kabat-Zinn looked down at his watch. At first glance it appeared he was tracking the timing of his talk and then he burst out, “If you check your watch, it’s now again.”  A hilarious reminder that each and every moment that unfolds is always now. We have a chance to bear witness to time indefinitely. We are offered up the opportunity to be mindful, open, and present with an infinite number of “do-overs.” Oh, wow–it’s now again. Myla furthered this saying, “Every moment is the possibility of a new beginning.” Every single moment is a new chance to be aware. Read full post »

What To Say About Pot

Screen Shot 2013-01-10 at 5.48.25 PMThis is a guest post from Lara Okoloko, LICSW, a clinical social worker who lives in Seattle area with her husband and two young children. She is co-founder and clinical director of Center for Advanced Recovery Solutions (CARES). CARES provides respectful, solution focused counseling to the parents of addicted young people. More about their services can be found at www.caresnw.com

_____________________________________________

Well, it’s been about a month since marijuana became legal in Washington State and we haven’t gone to pot yet, although the national news circuits may suggest so… But all joking aside, many are wondering what the impact will be for children in our state. Will marijuana use increase because it will be perceived as no big deal? Or will rates of use go down because the taboo factor will be erased?

As a therapist working with parents of teens and young adults, I know that parents already face an uphill battle convincing their sons and daughters that marijuana use poses risks to their health and well-being. My hunch is that legalizing marijuana will only increase the challenge.

Pot isn’t a rarity in high school. According to 2010 data from the Washington State Healthy Youth Survey, one in five 10th graders have smoked pot in the last month. By the end of high school, almost half of all students have at least tried it. This makes marijuana the second most used drug after alcohol. Surveys of drug use show a clear relationship between the perception of risk and the likelihood of drug use. The 2010 National Survey on Drug Use and Health found that only 1% of youth who saw great risk in smoking marijuana had used it within the last month, compared with 10% percent of youths who saw moderate, slight, or no risk. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that legalizing marijuana will add to the perception that it is harmless, which will in turn increase the number of teens who use it.

One of the biggest mistakes parents to teens make is to believe that they no longer have influence on their kids

Read full post »

Renewal, Intent, Intimacy, Reflection

Screen Shot 2013-01-04 at 12.36.15 PMI’ve self-prescribed a year of renewal, intent, intimacy, and reflection for 2013. Although I’m unable to etch those 4 words onto my forearm, I’d really like to keep them at the helm. Resolutions are exceedingly difficult to maintain. The bar is often too high, there’s little trigger to make a desired behavior happen every day, and the resolutions we choose typically demand profound change. I learned much of that from BJ Fogg and because I believe in his model, my 2013 resolution will have the aforementioned 4 prongs: renewal, intent, intimacy, and reflection.

This year, I’m easing into these resolutions by gradually making changes to how I work and how I live. I spent the end of 2012 bearing witness to our limited days on earth, reaping the bounty of commitment that family and friends give me, and sorting out my own role as a caregiver, writer, and advocate. However obvious it is that life is precious and limited, there are the rare instructive days in our lives that preach it to us. One for me unfolded in August. Read full post »

Going Back To School Monday

Sick day alleyAs Monday approaches and we ready our children for school, I would suspect most of us have a little bit of dread in our hearts. I do. There is unease as we return our children to school. This post covers information for supporting your children but also information on supporting yourself during these upcoming days, too.

The past few days have been bewildering. Making sense of the tragedy in Connecticut is a huge challenge, particularly as the details of the shooting simultaneously unfold along side the details of the beautiful lost children and teachers and protectors. There’s little to say more than this is tragic and head-shaking. There is just no sense to what unfolded here in America last Friday. And although there are stories of incredible heroism we are left mourning and aching.

In my 4 years using social media, no single topic has over-run my channels like this shooting. We are all aghast and terrified, sad and stunned. As President Obama said, “We’re heartbroken.” When I opened the Sunday New York Times this morning, I gulped and teared-up again—I simply couldn’t wrap my head around the number of 6 and 7 year-olds that we’ve lost. Especially as one sat next to me at the breakfast table.

The randomness of this event allows us all to relate to the details of the horror and loss with uncomfortable familiarity.

We can and will work towards a safer future for our children. Don’t ease up on yourself or those in your community for action–improved communication, access to mental health, examining gun control–as months unfold. The future comes quickly. Today and tomorrow are about the ongoing effort to bolster yourself and your child in feeling great about the days ahead, in and out of school at the mall, wherever you find yourselves.

Tips For Parents With Children Going Back To School

  • Your child’s school is safe. The fact remains that this random, horrific shooting is an anomaly. Your child’s school is a very safe place to be. Remind yourself, and your children if they ask, that this tragedy was an exception.
  • Get the information you need to feel safe this week. Send an email to the principal, your children’s teacher, and/or fellow parents–perhaps commit to participating in ensuring you have good safety measures in place at your school. Leaving a VM message, sending an email, and/or joining the community of families wanting to ensure safety as the days unfold will likely ease your fears. Get involved. Write a letter to The President (The White House/1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW/Washington, D.C. 20500) or your congressman. Action is an antidote to anxiety. Read full post »

One Foot In Front Of The Other

photo (22) It’s been a heart-wrenching 3 days since the news of the shootings unfolded Friday morning. Best antidote to my sorrow was a run in the rain this afternoon. I turned up the music far too loud and headed out for a quick run. I stopped thinking and spinning about the grieving families in Connecticut. I heard the music and felt the cold on my hands. It was a powerful switch.

Even though I’ve only seen 15 minutes of news coverage about the shootings, I’ve been reading about how to support families in the aftermath and I’ve been consuming copious information since Friday. I’ve been allowing my own social networks and my own professional organizations to filter information I should read. Like most Americans, my curiosity for details is difficult to fully suppress. We all want to understand more. Even so:

Find time for yourself in the next 24 hours to have some release. Give yourself time and space (when you can) to get outside. Just putting one foot in front of the other helps. Without the news, without Facebook, without the conversations about Newtown, CT ringing in your ears. Get out and walk or run. Put in the music or simply tune out the masses. Be in a place with no ceiling and find time to repay all that has been drained from you.

One foot in front of the other helps.