‘parenting’

All Articles tagged ‘parenting’

Katie Couric’s Biggest Accomplishment

Without question, for nearly all of us, parenthood is the center, the privilege, and the highlight of our lives. Like a glowing pin at the center of a large target in the middle of the night, our children are really our focus points. We often see that very clearly, even with dark glasses.

That’s why it’s not surprising that when Katie Couric interviewed this morning in Seattle at KING5 News, she responded that it was her motherhood she was most proud of:

 

I think I did a pretty good job

She meant raising what she described as her “nice girls with good values.” Her daughter is just 21 years and her younger girl is 16 years old. But out of all of her opportunities in the media, all of her fame and celebrity, all of her fundraising and initiatives in cancer prevention, and her very public life on the news, she is most proud of her motherhood.

I’m not surprised. The complexity of raising children draws upon our instinct, our wisdom, our decision-making, our education, our communities, our families, and our values. Getting our children to adulthood with judgment, respect, vision, and compassion is a enormous task. This job we parents hold demands extraordinary things–and success here is more respectable than any other accomplishment we complete. Parenthood is that important. Parenthood is that precious of a resource.

Katie listed her work to improve cancer screening and raise hundreds of millions of dollars for cancer research “dream teams” as her second biggest accomplishment.

After I did my live colonoscopy we saw colon cancer screening go up by 20%

She briefly discussed the role of epigenetics in cancer prevention and the exciting time to improve health. When asked about all of the work that we see–that public work like reigning on the Today Show for years and the CBS evening news–she said: Read full post »

Surviving Tantrums: The Anger Trap

We survived one of the biggest tantrums of all time in June. At the Oakland, California airport check-in of all places. Did you happen to hear about it? I literally had to physically hold and restrain my son from running off into moving traffic. The tantrum caused for lots of staring and avoidance. It does feel like judgment sometimes, which only makes us feel worse. In a low moment, I explained to my 3 year-old that he was acting like an animal. I got progressively more and more embarrassed and progressively more and more frustrated. It was one of those moments we never expect and have a hard time forgetting. The forgiving, that comes easy. Have you read the book, How Do Dinosaurs Say I Love You? That helps, too.

Same thing happened this weekend. I missed a meeting when I got stuck in a tornado-like tantrum and spent a big part of the weekend trying to optimize days to support my son to avoid tantrums. When it comes to tantrums, we all know we’re supposed to calm down, but it’s difficult to say the least. Our children find all of our hidden buttons and can escalate rapidly. You can’t avoid every tantrum, but some ideas to help you survive them more gracefully:

8 Tips To Survive A Tantrum

  • Giving your child enough attention and “catch them being good.” Provide specific praise in successful moments. However, don’t feel that if one child tantrums more than another that you aren’t providing enough attention. Personality is infused in behaviors, including tantrums.
  • During a tantrum give your child control over little things (offer small, directed choices with options rather than Yes/No questions). Read full post »

Sick Day

I had an unexpected gift this week: a not-so-sick sick day with my 5 year-old. And it really couldn’t have come at a better time.

We’ve never had a sick day like this before and he’s off to Kindergarten in September so the days were running out for preschool stolen-away sick leave.

In the past when he’s been ill he’s been well enough for me to head off to clinic or work and he’s been home with my mom or his nanny. I’ve ached in the absence but pushed through knowing it really wasn’t me he needed but rest and time away from school. Previously I knew that my patients needed me more.

This time he spooked me. Late Sunday night he developed a booming fever and complained about significant abdominal pain. He skipped dinner, plodded off to bed, and made a series of sweat circles on the sheets. My husband and I were both sitting on the edge of his bed hovering near midnight negotiating the logistics of heading to the ER. I went through the lists of the different diagnoses I imagined could cause his symptoms. I worried. We made plans for his brother, figured out who would go to the ER, and started solidifying next steps. Just then, he stopped complaining of pain and went back to sleep.

I didn’t lose my worry. I tossed and turned. I got up and organized my closet late into the night and tidied little piles repeatedly. I didn’t really sleep.

By morning, the fever was gone. The pain had improved and he joined us at the breakfast table. He downed his breakfast so we took his brother to school. And me? I got the day with my boy all to myself, I got to be home with him–worry changes everything. Read full post »

Hands-Only CPR

Although this video feels a little bit like a video game (and takes you back to the 1970′s), it’s 1 minute of your life you don’t want to miss. Recommendations for CPR have changed this past decade. If you don’t have time to re-certify, take 1 minute and watch this video. Don’t ever be afraid to help immediately in a emergency situation where a teen or adult has potentially suffered a cardiac arrest. Channel your inner-John Travolta. Your actions can only help. Check out the American Heart Association CPR page for more. You can take a CPR class IRL (in real life) or online.

Bystander CPR dramatically improves survival from cardiac arrest, yet far less than half of arrest victims receive this potentially lifesaving therapy.

Parents who have learned how to do CPR are often more confident about their ability to manage an emergency of any kind. As a mom, I always feel more confident after reviewing these recommendations.

CPR For Infants & Children Is Similar But Different

Click on these links for drawings and nice summaries of CPR recommendations. Hands-only CPR is not recommended for children. However, the rate of compressions for infants and children also matches the Stayin’ Alive beat…

Instructions for Infant CPR (babies under 1 year of age)

  • If alone, start CPR for 2 minutes, and then call 911.
  • CPR consists of doing 30 chest compressions (with your fingers) and then 2 gentle, 1-second rescue breaths, then 30 compressions again. Repeat.

Instructions for Child CPR (children under 8 years of age) &  Video Explanation

  • If alone, start CPR for 2 minutes, and then call 911.
  • CPR ratio is 30 compressions for every 2 breaths. This is the same compression-to-breath ratio as infants. However, the position of your hands for compression is different.

If you’re local, you can take infant, child, or adult CPR classes at Seattle Children’s.

Father’s Day: Two Wheels Of Their Own

We had a marvelous Father’s Day weekend. On Saturday we started a Dad-coached soccer team with some friends which was surprisingly successful. And then on Sunday, we completed our first-ever family bike ride on the Burke-Gillman trail. Everyone had two wheels of their own, including Grandma. Although O ended up in the ditch at one point after steering off-course, it was an injury-free ride and we proclaimed it a success. I think we all felt really grown up. We gave my husband a mixture of homemade gifts (paintings) and then a trite, expected one (a necktie). We played ball in the yard, pulled weeds from the grass, and Jonathan got a bit of time to himself for a run. When we went out for Italian food and ordered Shirley Temples we formally celebrated the fortune of having a father parenting so actively in our lives. The boys began the day with exclamations and closed it with a final, “Happy Father’s Day” after the lights went out. It was then that I realized it’s prime time for this holiday in our home.

I get that Father’s Day isn’t this Hallmark in everyone’s home and I certainly understand it won’t always be like this. These manufactured holidays bring up thoughts of the tension and distance many of us feel from our own fathers. I also think about my friends and patients who have lost their fathers and those children who are separated from their fathers due to work, military commitments, or unique family circumstances. Last week one of my colleagues pointed out that children had eras in their lives where Father’s Day was on the map; young children adore and celebrate but then retreat as we’d expect during the late school-age years. “They tend to check back in during young adulthood,” he said.

And it got me thinking: is there a way to keep the intimacy of preschool-parenthood alive? Read full post »

“Stronger,” I Missed You

I was just about to update the blog with a post detailing some new data on reducing SIDS. And then some information on tantrums and some thoughts on storing vaccines safely. And I will, later this week, but my heart is really here:

After a precious, busy day back in clinic today with my patients and staff, I am delighted to tell you that tonight I discovered “Stronger” back up on Youtube where it had been suspended for some time. As it returns to the public sphere, I re-viewed the video twice.

I had absolutely nothing to do with the making of this video, I’m just a faithful fan. The origination of this video stems from some strong patients, some very thoughtful artists, some college students, and a stellar network of families, staff ,and clinicians willing to share a bit of their intimate experience in health care. And their immutable strength.

Watch it again, too.

Some clips from the making of the video (seconds 16 through 44 are particularly endearing).

Here’s Kelly Clarkson’s video response.

Every Illness A Love Story

One magical thing I see while working in health care is the love story. Each and every child who encounters a diagnosis or illness spawns a collection of love stories around them. The stories come spontaneously from parents, siblings, friends, nurses, doctors, community, and peers. It all happens organically and sometimes it happens without notice. Babies cling to their parents when they ache; parents cling to their children when they worry. And the acknowledgement of mortality can stun us into living in the present moment–a miraculous gift. With the onset of an illness or injury, a series of love stories begin in earnest around every child as we all seem to fall in love again.

It may be innate, I think it’s impossible to stop these love stories from unfolding when a child is ill.

A physician colleague once pointed out to me that only two things bring you to the doctor: one, anxiety about an illness (or wanting to prevent one) and two, pain. With children, when either (anxiety or pain) are present, a love story erupts around them. Immediately and passionately, those who care for children and witness their lives will work tirelessly to ease pain and suffering. In it, their love unfolds.

I’ve just realized a love story is always a part of the history of present illness. Here’s why: Read full post »

Plan A Vacation STAT

As Memorial Day weekend slips into the rear-view mirror, we set our sights on summertime. Often that includes a camping trip or vacation away from home. When it comes to travel, there’s a bit of data supporting how to do summertime right. The short version: plan a vacation today. Stop whatever you’re doing, take a Magic marker to the calendar and block off some time for your family. Trust me, it may make you happy. Right now.

Being happy, chasing happy, and achieving/experiencing happiness is often a motivator (or an excuse) for the decisions we make. Despite the ubiquitous quest for happiness, it eludes many of us. When reading about happiness, we often hear about mindfulness, the focus on the present and doing our best to live in the moment in which we live. It seems that if we just stopped planning and thinking about the future or worrying with regret about the past, we’d find ourselves entirely aware and entirely much happier. When it comes to summer vacations, the data is different.

A 2010 Dutch study found that planning for the vacation, not the vacation itself, makes you happy. We really must focus on anticipation (vacation planning) if we’re going to get the best out of our trips and travels! Positive effects of vacations don’t last long. Previous work finds that those of us who suffer from burnout return to our pre-vacation levels of stress and overwhelm just 3 to 4 weeks after the vacation ends. Therefore the Dutch study can guide us in really making the most of our limited time away… Read full post »

Surviving Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety varies WIDELY between children. Some babies become hysterical when Mom is out of sight for a very short time, while other children seem to demonstrate ongoing anxiety at separations during infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool. I’ve got one of each in my home. The trick for surviving separation anxiety demands preparation, brisk transitions, and the evolution of time. I would suggest we parents suffer as much as our children do when we leave. Even though we are often reminded that our children stop crying within minutes of our leave-taking, how many of you have felt like you’re “doing it all wrong” when your child clings to your legs, sobs for you to stay, and mourns the parting? As a working mom, separation anxiety creates questions for me. Although it is an entirely normal behavior and a beautiful sign of a meaningful attachment, separation anxiety can be exquisitely unsettling for us all. Here are facts about separation anxiety and 6 tips to improve the transitions I’ve learned the hard way (I’ve made about every mistake). Read full post »

TIME Magazine And The Mommy Middle Road

You saw the TIME magazine cover in the last 24 hours, right? Me, too. In the midst of 25 patients yesterday, moms and dads weren’t really talking about it in the office. It was in my inbox. But I hear and feel and witness the anxiety/angst we all swim around in every day as we compare parenting styles and essentially swap (pacifier) spit about how best to do this. The monogram of this parenting era is the quest for perfection. The epic win that’s constructed for us is built on prevailing over the rest. It’s not about juggling it all anymore, it’s about being tough enough to do it better than your peers. TIME magazine wants us to contemplate if we’re really “Mom Enough?”

Before you know it, you’ll be 13 decisions down the road wondering why you worried so much about what you did. You’ll care even less about what you called it. Of anything I hear over and over again from parents ahead of me on the road it’s this: “I simply wish I worried less about my choices.”

It’s a mom-eat-mom world right now and the media wants us perpetually navel-staring. Doubt sells magazines, pageviews, and books. I saw moms post opinions on Facebook this morning only to quickly take them down as they got too controversial. We’ll keep questioning ourselves and our decisions as TIME takes a supermodel, airbrushes her body and paints the cover the magazine with a provocative image for Mother’s Day. This article, this cover, this timing–this is the engineering of our age. The dinosaurs once ruled the planet—now it’s the voices online.

Your motherhood, your parenthood, your decisions. You know what? Of course, they’re Mom Enough

The cover really isn’t really about breast feeding but I’ll bite. Read full post »