‘parenting’

All Articles tagged ‘parenting’

Every Illness A Love Story

One magical thing I see while working in health care is the love story. Each and every child who encounters a diagnosis or illness spawns a collection of love stories around them. The stories come spontaneously from parents, siblings, friends, nurses, doctors, community, and peers. It all happens organically and sometimes it happens without notice. Babies cling to their parents when they ache; parents cling to their children when they worry. And the acknowledgement of mortality can stun us into living in the present moment–a miraculous gift. With the onset of an illness or injury, a series of love stories begin in earnest around every child as we all seem to fall in love again.

It may be innate, I think it’s impossible to stop these love stories from unfolding when a child is ill.

A physician colleague once pointed out to me that only two things bring you to the doctor: one, anxiety about an illness (or wanting to prevent one) and two, pain. With children, when either (anxiety or pain) are present, a love story erupts around them. Immediately and passionately, those who care for children and witness their lives will work tirelessly to ease pain and suffering. In it, their love unfolds.

I’ve just realized a love story is always a part of the history of present illness. Here’s why: Read full post »

Plan A Vacation STAT

As Memorial Day weekend slips into the rear-view mirror, we set our sights on summertime. Often that includes a camping trip or vacation away from home. When it comes to travel, there’s a bit of data supporting how to do summertime right. The short version: plan a vacation today. Stop whatever you’re doing, take a Magic marker to the calendar and block off some time for your family. Trust me, it may make you happy. Right now.

Being happy, chasing happy, and achieving/experiencing happiness is often a motivator (or an excuse) for the decisions we make. Despite the ubiquitous quest for happiness, it eludes many of us. When reading about happiness, we often hear about mindfulness, the focus on the present and doing our best to live in the moment in which we live. It seems that if we just stopped planning and thinking about the future or worrying with regret about the past, we’d find ourselves entirely aware and entirely much happier. When it comes to summer vacations, the data is different.

A 2010 Dutch study found that planning for the vacation, not the vacation itself, makes you happy. We really must focus on anticipation (vacation planning) if we’re going to get the best out of our trips and travels! Positive effects of vacations don’t last long. Previous work finds that those of us who suffer from burnout return to our pre-vacation levels of stress and overwhelm just 3 to 4 weeks after the vacation ends. Therefore the Dutch study can guide us in really making the most of our limited time away… Read full post »

Surviving Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety varies WIDELY between children. Some babies become hysterical when Mom is out of sight for a very short time, while other children seem to demonstrate ongoing anxiety at separations during infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool. I’ve got one of each in my home. The trick for surviving separation anxiety demands preparation, brisk transitions, and the evolution of time. I would suggest we parents suffer as much as our children do when we leave. Even though we are often reminded that our children stop crying within minutes of our leave-taking, how many of you have felt like you’re “doing it all wrong” when your child clings to your legs, sobs for you to stay, and mourns the parting? As a working mom, separation anxiety creates questions for me. Although it is an entirely normal behavior and a beautiful sign of a meaningful attachment, separation anxiety can be exquisitely unsettling for us all. Here are facts about separation anxiety and 6 tips to improve the transitions I’ve learned the hard way (I’ve made about every mistake). Read full post »

TIME Magazine And The Mommy Middle Road

You saw the TIME magazine cover in the last 24 hours, right? Me, too. In the midst of 25 patients yesterday, moms and dads weren’t really talking about it in the office. It was in my inbox. But I hear and feel and witness the anxiety/angst we all swim around in every day as we compare parenting styles and essentially swap (pacifier) spit about how best to do this. The monogram of this parenting era is the quest for perfection. The epic win that’s constructed for us is built on prevailing over the rest. It’s not about juggling it all anymore, it’s about being tough enough to do it better than your peers. TIME magazine wants us to contemplate if we’re really “Mom Enough?”

Before you know it, you’ll be 13 decisions down the road wondering why you worried so much about what you did. You’ll care even less about what you called it. Of anything I hear over and over again from parents ahead of me on the road it’s this: “I simply wish I worried less about my choices.”

It’s a mom-eat-mom world right now and the media wants us perpetually navel-staring. Doubt sells magazines, pageviews, and books. I saw moms post opinions on Facebook this morning only to quickly take them down as they got too controversial. We’ll keep questioning ourselves and our decisions as TIME takes a supermodel, airbrushes her body and paints the cover the magazine with a provocative image for Mother’s Day. This article, this cover, this timing–this is the engineering of our age. The dinosaurs once ruled the planet—now it’s the voices online.

Your motherhood, your parenthood, your decisions. You know what? Of course, they’re Mom Enough

The cover really isn’t really about breast feeding but I’ll bite. Read full post »

Never Say Never: On Trying New Foods

We went out for sushi on Friday at one of those mall-type restaurants that has little pieces of sushi spinning around the perimeter of the kitchen on a conveyer belt. The gimmick is genius for families with young children. The boys were starving and urged that the sushi spot was their choice for our night out. The conveyer belt provides instantaneous food and also fulfills the need for entertainment. As any normal parent knows, that’s a recipe for perfection. More than half of the people in the restaurant (at 5pm) had kids our boys’ age. It was a typical meal until the most wonderful thing happened: my son proved the husband wrong.

Boys 1, Husband 0.

As the food spun around, the boys eyed their favorites: avocado rolls, noodles, and nori. O asked about the orange “bubbles” he kept seeing. F announced that they were fish eggs. O instantly wanted to try them… The husband: Read full post »

Picking A Summer Camp

As you construct a schema for your summer, plot vacation time, and plan for summer camps, more than anything I think you should build in some unstructured time. Carve out hours, half, or even full days each and every week with an absent itinerary. Wide-open days inspire creativity (in us all) and allow children to stumble upon a little boredom. I would suggest boredom is a helpful tool for everyone here and there, especially our children. Just think of the motivation that comes from it! Read this perspective: What Caine’s Arcade Teaches Us About Modern Parenthood.

Good thing for those of us who are less organized: unstructured time comes without difficulty as the camps fill up and we run out of options. Now (May) is the time to sign up for many camps, so get on it. The unstructured time I mention is only delightful if peppered into a summer filled with adventure and discovery. Summer camps offer a great place and space for fostering independence, building skill and esteem, and forging new friendships. Choosing a camp may feel entirely daunting if your child has special health needs, you have limited money for camp, or you’ve never separated from your child for long periods prior. Here are a few tips and resources I’ve found that may help: Read full post »

Imperfect Pediatrics

I had a phenomenal day in clinic yesterday. Imperfect for sure but inspiring, connected, and busy. I felt useful and like anybody else, that feels so good to me. Productivity can be defined in various ways and yesterday I fulfilled my personal definition. I wrote an email to a friend and cardiologist this morning where I said,

But I must say, it’s a sincere fortune to be a doctor some days. Yesterday was one of those…

It was typical day in the sense that my schedule was crammed full of well child check-ups, newborn visits, and a few scattered visits for acute care–colds, depression, and belly pain. As is typical, I arrived in the morning with absolutely no open spots on my schedule. I saw 25 patients, squeezed in 2 patients to “double book” who needed to be seen by a pediatrician more urgently, and we provided vaccination updates for over 1/2 the patients. The “productive” feeling washed over me a number of times. At one point a mom said, “I knew that but I just needed you to guide me to know that I was right.” Another moment when I confirmed the correct diagnosis for a patient who’d been into doctor’s offices twice where the diagnosis had been missed. It’s exhilarating to help people understand health, highlight their understanding of science, and calm them down. Parenthood can be extraordinary (understatement of the century). The best part of my job is when I can help clear off the windshield of doubt. I do want parents to see the road…

But the day wasn’t perfect. Read full post »

Idaho: Vaccine Safety, A Desert, And A Networked Community

I’ve just returned from a week in Idaho where I had the privilege to do a series of talks for the Idaho Department of Health (DOH) about using social media to communicate about vaccines. The best part of the week was all of the education I received. I traveled around the state (see those photos!), witnessed the DOH at work, connected with Idaho physicians & politicians & advocates & volunteers, and talked with many Idahoans about changing the understanding of vaccine science. Three times I heard Dr Melinda Wharton from the CDC present on vaccine safety. And more, in a matter of 4 days we talked with a clinician, nurse, or medical assistant from every single office in the state that provides vaccines to children. I mean, that’s a wow–a sincerely networked community circa 2012.

If all states had the opportunity to convene like they do in Idaho we’d really improve understanding, communication, and opportunities in health care surrounding vaccine safety and decision-making.

After arriving home to my boys, I’m compelled to share 3 things I learned in Idaho:

ONE:

I think it’s essential that we talk about the risks associated with vaccines when we give them–each and every time. Dr Wharton discussed known risks to vaccines and the science to support those risks. She also talked about inferred risks that aren’t backed up with science (autism, for example).

Take fainting: we know teens faint after shots sometimes. Read full post »

Concerns About Autism: Reasons To See The Pediatrician

When it comes to autism, we’ve all been rocked by the recent CDC data that found ongoing increases in the number of children diagnosed with autism annually; it’s estimated that 1 in 88 children has autism in the US. The rates are unfortunately higher for boys. The number is unsettling to say the least, particularly as the cause of autism is multifactorial and not entirely understood. Although we know genetics and family history plays a role, we don’t know what causes the majority of autism.

Read more about the science of autism from Autism Science Foundation.

We do know one thing: research proves the earlier you intervene to get a child additional services, the better their behavior, the better their outcome, and the better their chances for improved communication. You don’t need a diagnosis to access services for your child.

When you worry and can’t find resources online that reassure you, it’s time to check with your child’s clinician. That’s the point of a real partnership and a true pediatric home. Fight to find one if you don’t already have one. Fight to improve yours if it’s imperfect. The feedback I receive from families in my clinic allows me more leverage to make change. We’re all responsible for improved health communication…

Signs of Autism In Infants & Toddlers:

There is not one specific behavior, test, or milestone that diagnoses autism. More than any one behavior,

  • You should observe your infant demonstrating curiosity.
  • You should observe your baby expressing joy nearly every day after 4 months of age. Your child should smile when they are 2 months old, 4 months old, 6 months old and thereafter.
  • Your child should show you they know their name by 1 year of age.
  • You should see that your child tries to communicate thoughts more effectively with each month that unfolds during infancy and toddlerhood.

Here’s a list of specific Autism Warning SignsRead full post »

The Right Choice

Every once and a while I make the right choice. I mean when it comes to work and life and striving for balance. Sometimes I say “No” just when I should. Those “No’s” gain access to the best “Yes’s” in life.

Last week at the end of a series of 3 weekends of work, I was finishing up a conference and decided at the last minute to decline the dinner with peers. I felt pressure to go but just couldn’t stand missing out on the night with my boys. I had that longing in my heart–you know the kind–where you can feel the ache of absence, where you sincerely feel the separation from your kids like a missing body part? It was strong; all at once I said “No,” just in time.

We went to a baseball game here in Seattle. We sat only 8 rows back behind the dugout. The foul balls flying near our heads (me ducking for cover), the crowd screeching, and the sky blue. The husband and the boys had their gloves. We counted airplanes flying above. We cheered and jumped up with home runs. It was a perfect night out. Delighted to be there I had these passing waves of mindfulness, or gratitude, for being with my family and not missing out once again. We were all a little giddy to be at a real baseball game and then 2 things happened that affirmed my “No” was really a magical “Yes” afterall:

  1. A teenager caught a foul ball. Then he caught another ball. Then he did what many kids do—he acted generously. He saw F sitting right in front of him with his glove up and he tossed him the ball. I mean, can you believe that? A teenager gave my little 5 year-old boy a Major League baseball…bliss.
  2. During the middle of the sixth inning, after a bag of popcorn, a small tantrum from O, a bag of peanuts, and 4 hot dogs, Pennington went up to bat. Jon leaned over to F and said, “This guy’s hitting a ball to us.” They got their gloves up and ready. The foul ball did come. And the husband really did catch it. And my boys (all 3 of them) really did leap up for joy. We even made it onto TV (see photo above)!

Two foul balls, one perfect “No,” and a Saturday night with my boys illuminated a momentous “Yes.” It doessn’t always work this way yet every once and a while we make really good and really lucky choices. And then we’re fortunate enough to witness and celebrate them while they happen. For all the suffering that remains in so many of our lives, these little spots of light must be spoken…