‘parenting’

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TIME Magazine And The Mommy Middle Road

You saw the TIME magazine cover in the last 24 hours, right? Me, too. In the midst of 25 patients yesterday, moms and dads weren’t really talking about it in the office. It was in my inbox. But I hear and feel and witness the anxiety/angst we all swim around in every day as we compare parenting styles and essentially swap (pacifier) spit about how best to do this. The monogram of this parenting era is the quest for perfection. The epic win that’s constructed for us is built on prevailing over the rest. It’s not about juggling it all anymore, it’s about being tough enough to do it better than your peers. TIME magazine wants us to contemplate if we’re really “Mom Enough?”

Before you know it, you’ll be 13 decisions down the road wondering why you worried so much about what you did. You’ll care even less about what you called it. Of anything I hear over and over again from parents ahead of me on the road it’s this: “I simply wish I worried less about my choices.”

It’s a mom-eat-mom world right now and the media wants us perpetually navel-staring. Doubt sells magazines, pageviews, and books. I saw moms post opinions on Facebook this morning only to quickly take them down as they got too controversial. We’ll keep questioning ourselves and our decisions as TIME takes a supermodel, airbrushes her body and paints the cover the magazine with a provocative image for Mother’s Day. This article, this cover, this timing–this is the engineering of our age. The dinosaurs once ruled the planet—now it’s the voices online.

Your motherhood, your parenthood, your decisions. You know what? Of course, they’re Mom Enough

The cover really isn’t really about breast feeding but I’ll bite. Read full post »

Never Say Never: On Trying New Foods

We went out for sushi on Friday at one of those mall-type restaurants that has little pieces of sushi spinning around the perimeter of the kitchen on a conveyer belt. The gimmick is genius for families with young children. The boys were starving and urged that the sushi spot was their choice for our night out. The conveyer belt provides instantaneous food and also fulfills the need for entertainment. As any normal parent knows, that’s a recipe for perfection. More than half of the people in the restaurant (at 5pm) had kids our boys’ age. It was a typical meal until the most wonderful thing happened: my son proved the husband wrong.

Boys 1, Husband 0.

As the food spun around, the boys eyed their favorites: avocado rolls, noodles, and nori. O asked about the orange “bubbles” he kept seeing. F announced that they were fish eggs. O instantly wanted to try them… The husband: Read full post »

Picking A Summer Camp

As you construct a schema for your summer, plot vacation time, and plan for summer camps, more than anything I think you should build in some unstructured time. Carve out hours, half, or even full days each and every week with an absent itinerary. Wide-open days inspire creativity (in us all) and allow children to stumble upon a little boredom. I would suggest boredom is a helpful tool for everyone here and there, especially our children. Just think of the motivation that comes from it! Read this perspective: What Caine’s Arcade Teaches Us About Modern Parenthood.

Good thing for those of us who are less organized: unstructured time comes without difficulty as the camps fill up and we run out of options. Now (May) is the time to sign up for many camps, so get on it. The unstructured time I mention is only delightful if peppered into a summer filled with adventure and discovery. Summer camps offer a great place and space for fostering independence, building skill and esteem, and forging new friendships. Choosing a camp may feel entirely daunting if your child has special health needs, you have limited money for camp, or you’ve never separated from your child for long periods prior. Here are a few tips and resources I’ve found that may help: Read full post »

Imperfect Pediatrics

I had a phenomenal day in clinic yesterday. Imperfect for sure but inspiring, connected, and busy. I felt useful and like anybody else, that feels so good to me. Productivity can be defined in various ways and yesterday I fulfilled my personal definition. I wrote an email to a friend and cardiologist this morning where I said,

But I must say, it’s a sincere fortune to be a doctor some days. Yesterday was one of those…

It was typical day in the sense that my schedule was crammed full of well child check-ups, newborn visits, and a few scattered visits for acute care–colds, depression, and belly pain. As is typical, I arrived in the morning with absolutely no open spots on my schedule. I saw 25 patients, squeezed in 2 patients to “double book” who needed to be seen by a pediatrician more urgently, and we provided vaccination updates for over 1/2 the patients. The “productive” feeling washed over me a number of times. At one point a mom said, “I knew that but I just needed you to guide me to know that I was right.” Another moment when I confirmed the correct diagnosis for a patient who’d been into doctor’s offices twice where the diagnosis had been missed. It’s exhilarating to help people understand health, highlight their understanding of science, and calm them down. Parenthood can be extraordinary (understatement of the century). The best part of my job is when I can help clear off the windshield of doubt. I do want parents to see the road…

But the day wasn’t perfect. Read full post »

Idaho: Vaccine Safety, A Desert, And A Networked Community

I’ve just returned from a week in Idaho where I had the privilege to do a series of talks for the Idaho Department of Health (DOH) about using social media to communicate about vaccines. The best part of the week was all of the education I received. I traveled around the state (see those photos!), witnessed the DOH at work, connected with Idaho physicians & politicians & advocates & volunteers, and talked with many Idahoans about changing the understanding of vaccine science. Three times I heard Dr Melinda Wharton from the CDC present on vaccine safety. And more, in a matter of 4 days we talked with a clinician, nurse, or medical assistant from every single office in the state that provides vaccines to children. I mean, that’s a wow–a sincerely networked community circa 2012.

If all states had the opportunity to convene like they do in Idaho we’d really improve understanding, communication, and opportunities in health care surrounding vaccine safety and decision-making.

After arriving home to my boys, I’m compelled to share 3 things I learned in Idaho:

ONE:

I think it’s essential that we talk about the risks associated with vaccines when we give them–each and every time. Dr Wharton discussed known risks to vaccines and the science to support those risks. She also talked about inferred risks that aren’t backed up with science (autism, for example).

Take fainting: we know teens faint after shots sometimes. Read full post »

Concerns About Autism: Reasons To See The Pediatrician

When it comes to autism, we’ve all been rocked by the recent CDC data that found ongoing increases in the number of children diagnosed with autism annually; it’s estimated that 1 in 88 children has autism in the US. The rates are unfortunately higher for boys. The number is unsettling to say the least, particularly as the cause of autism is multifactorial and not entirely understood. Although we know genetics and family history plays a role, we don’t know what causes the majority of autism.

Read more about the science of autism from Autism Science Foundation.

We do know one thing: research proves the earlier you intervene to get a child additional services, the better their behavior, the better their outcome, and the better their chances for improved communication. You don’t need a diagnosis to access services for your child.

When you worry and can’t find resources online that reassure you, it’s time to check with your child’s clinician. That’s the point of a real partnership and a true pediatric home. Fight to find one if you don’t already have one. Fight to improve yours if it’s imperfect. The feedback I receive from families in my clinic allows me more leverage to make change. We’re all responsible for improved health communication…

Signs of Autism In Infants & Toddlers:

There is not one specific behavior, test, or milestone that diagnoses autism. More than any one behavior,

  • You should observe your infant demonstrating curiosity.
  • You should observe your baby expressing joy nearly every day after 4 months of age. Your child should smile when they are 2 months old, 4 months old, 6 months old and thereafter.
  • Your child should show you they know their name by 1 year of age.
  • You should see that your child tries to communicate thoughts more effectively with each month that unfolds during infancy and toddlerhood.

Here’s a list of specific Autism Warning SignsRead full post »

The Right Choice

Every once and a while I make the right choice. I mean when it comes to work and life and striving for balance. Sometimes I say “No” just when I should. Those “No’s” gain access to the best “Yes’s” in life.

Last week at the end of a series of 3 weekends of work, I was finishing up a conference and decided at the last minute to decline the dinner with peers. I felt pressure to go but just couldn’t stand missing out on the night with my boys. I had that longing in my heart–you know the kind–where you can feel the ache of absence, where you sincerely feel the separation from your kids like a missing body part? It was strong; all at once I said “No,” just in time.

We went to a baseball game here in Seattle. We sat only 8 rows back behind the dugout. The foul balls flying near our heads (me ducking for cover), the crowd screeching, and the sky blue. The husband and the boys had their gloves. We counted airplanes flying above. We cheered and jumped up with home runs. It was a perfect night out. Delighted to be there I had these passing waves of mindfulness, or gratitude, for being with my family and not missing out once again. We were all a little giddy to be at a real baseball game and then 2 things happened that affirmed my “No” was really a magical “Yes” afterall:

  1. A teenager caught a foul ball. Then he caught another ball. Then he did what many kids do—he acted generously. He saw F sitting right in front of him with his glove up and he tossed him the ball. I mean, can you believe that? A teenager gave my little 5 year-old boy a Major League baseball…bliss.
  2. During the middle of the sixth inning, after a bag of popcorn, a small tantrum from O, a bag of peanuts, and 4 hot dogs, Pennington went up to bat. Jon leaned over to F and said, “This guy’s hitting a ball to us.” They got their gloves up and ready. The foul ball did come. And the husband really did catch it. And my boys (all 3 of them) really did leap up for joy. We even made it onto TV (see photo above)!

Two foul balls, one perfect “No,” and a Saturday night with my boys illuminated a momentous “Yes.” It doessn’t always work this way yet every once and a while we make really good and really lucky choices. And then we’re fortunate enough to witness and celebrate them while they happen. For all the suffering that remains in so many of our lives, these little spots of light must be spoken…

Baby’s First Shots: Swaddling And Shushing

The 2 month-old check up may be harder for parents than it is for babies. Getting the first set of shots is anxiety provoking for we moms and dads; no question that it’s unsettling to allow a medical provider to cause our beautiful, new, healthy baby pain. Research has found that the pain and discomfort associated with shots is one of the primary reasons parents “elect not to perform timely vaccination.”

A study published this week affirms two truths. First, structured soothing may be a great tool for families to control crying after discomfort from shots. A group of pediatricians in Virginia used Dr Harvey Karp’s Happiest Baby on the Block 5S’s technique (shushing, swaddling, side positioning, sucking, and swinging/swaying) as an intervention for crying after the 2 and 4 month shots. The technique has been advertised to parents as a way to soothe and comfort fussy and colicky babies in the first few months of life. The researchers found that compared to a control group with no intervention and  a group of babies that received a sugary solution for comfort prior to the shots, the 5S technique helped soothe crying and pain more rapidly. Most babies that were swaddled, shushed, swung, and offered a pacifier for sucking stopped crying within only 45 seconds. Second, the great reality is that most babies stop crying within 1 to 2 minutes of getting injections anyway. The study confirmed that, too! In my experience, only rarely does a baby leave clinic still crying. Some of our anxiety about the discomfort as parents can be relieved–we really need to get the word out this is a short process. It’s rare for a baby to cry for even 3 to 4 minutes after their injections. Read full post »

Flying With Toddlers: Tips For Distraction, Tips For Tantrums

Flying with toddlers is far more difficult than flying with an infant in my opinion. It’s the need to get up, run the aisles, move around, have another snack, read a different book, take an abbreviated nap, go pee, and that minute-attention span that makes it not only exhausting but nerve-racking for most of us. Although the challenge is real, success comes with having a good plan, allowing extra time, and packing the right snacks, toys, and books to keep your toddler occupied. That 3,000 mile flight at 30,000 feet can be a ton of fun! The above tip came from a friend years ago. Prepare for the worst and expect the best when flying with toddlers–hopefully this blue tape idea sticks. (ha)

Now dealing with tantrums while up in the air is another challenge in and of itself. Many of us heard about the toddler kicked off an airplane, and have also heard about the opinion for commercial airline children-free flights. Although I wholeheartedly disagree that we should segregate flights by age, I do think these stories in the news media elevate our anxiety for flying with our children. Don’t let it. You’re always the best one to support and help your child on the ground or up in the air. Don’t let the public shake that truth. My tips for dealing with tantrums at 35,000 feet aren’t very different from those on the ground: provide consistency, provide distraction, and provide comfort. But more, set yourself up for success by clearing the tension with passengers sitting next to you ahead of time. Acknowledge the challenge. I’ve found it not only decreases my own anxiety, it allows for a much better reception when things don’t go as planned.  Click to read full post for my additional 1-minute video explanation and a few ideas. What are yours? Read full post »

If It Were My Child: No Football For Now

This is a position post where I take a stand that represents no one other than myself as a mom and a pediatrician. The reason I clarify this, is that my position is a strong one. No one wants to go up against someone like the NFL, it seems. But let me say this very clearly: It if it were my child, I’d never let them play football. No way. For my boys, the risks are too large, the sentiments too cruel, and the gains simply not worth it. There are plenty of other sports teams out there to grow, exercise, form friendships, and excel. I never want my children to be a part of any institution that houses intent to harm another human being. Although direct harm may not be a tenet in pee wee football, we all know that young sports teams are built to emulate the pros. If the NFL is the inspiration, for now, count my boys out. This isn’t just about the risk of concussion…

On my way into clinic on Saturday morning, I heard the alleged tape of Gregg Williams directing players to seriously harm opposing teammates. In the tape Mr Williams, the previous defensive coordinator for the New Orleans Saints, employed his players to inflict harm on multiple players–for example, attempt to tear the ACL of Michael Crabtree and work to re-concuss another player, Kyle Williams. Let me point out, some data finds the harms of concussions (particularly in adolescents) may be longstanding, and the risk of a second concussion may rarely be deadly.

In the tape you hear Gregg Williams repeatedly say, “Kill the head, the body will die” followed by, “We want his head sideways.” The tape goes on to capture more directives for harming additional players. It’s nauseating and provoking–got my fingers shaking during my drive. And really more than anything else, it was wholeheartedly disappointing. Particularly for me as a pediatrician. When parents now ask me about football, instead of talking about concussions as a significant risk, I’ll also be talking about ethics, sportsmanship, and integrity.

The great thing is that as parents we have lots of choices. Read full post »