‘working parents’

All Articles tagged ‘working parents’

Work Trip Kiss

Screen Shot 2013-04-28 at 10.40.16 AM

Leaving our children for any reason makes our hearts hurt. Fortunately, the technology of our time provides incredible proximity. Tonight I got a kiss from my 4 year-old from 2000+ miles away while in a Google Hangout. Every parent has tricks that allows them to endure working trips or distance from their children created by time or space. FaceTime and Google Hangouts allow me to join books at bedtime and spontaneous conversations on the fly.  Ohhh, thank you 2013…

I Love Being A Working Mom

View from our seats at TEDx during the afternoon session

View from our seats at TEDx during the afternoon session

I love being a working mom. This is really the first time I’ve known it like I do today. I had one of the best days of my life two weeks ago, seriously ranking up there in the top 5 thus far. And unsurprisingly to me, it was a work day. However unlike ever before, for the very first time I brought my son with me.

Today is “Bring Your Kid To Work Day” but really any day we do it counts. Pick an ideal time and involve your child. My contention is that you’ll rapidly recognize the incredible fortune it is to live this lunatic life that requires navigating the dreaded work-life-balance ordeal.

When my 6 year-old joined me on a work trip earlier this month it was as if at once two huge ships met at sea. All the sudden my little boy was welcomed into the world of making change. I felt unlike ever before I represented more of my whole self while at work. And let me tell you, his eyes were wide open. All day.

One of the post-it notes on my computer at home says, “Design a beautiful day.” The quote stems from Dr Marty Seligman who’s known to have founded the field of positive psychology. He devised the concept of the beautiful day activity (seriously encourage you to click on that link).

Thing is, every time I’ve talked about designing a beautiful or meaningful day, work is a part of it. If I only had one more day to live, I’d work for a few hours in the morning. No question about it. I really do love working as a doctor. Of course, I really do love being a mom. Valuing both of these roles takes skill and I’m don’t always have it…

Read full post »

One Foot In Front Of The Other

photo (22) It’s been a heart-wrenching 3 days since the news of the shootings unfolded Friday morning. Best antidote to my sorrow was a run in the rain this afternoon. I turned up the music far too loud and headed out for a quick run. I stopped thinking and spinning about the grieving families in Connecticut. I heard the music and felt the cold on my hands. It was a powerful switch.

Even though I’ve only seen 15 minutes of news coverage about the shootings, I’ve been reading about how to support families in the aftermath and I’ve been consuming copious information since Friday. I’ve been allowing my own social networks and my own professional organizations to filter information I should read. Like most Americans, my curiosity for details is difficult to fully suppress. We all want to understand more. Even so:

Find time for yourself in the next 24 hours to have some release. Give yourself time and space (when you can) to get outside. Just putting one foot in front of the other helps. Without the news, without Facebook, without the conversations about Newtown, CT ringing in your ears. Get out and walk or run. Put in the music or simply tune out the masses. Be in a place with no ceiling and find time to repay all that has been drained from you.

One foot in front of the other helps.

McClinic? Drive-Thru Health Care

I can’t stop thinking about a drive-thru. Not the one for burgers and shakes but the one for ear checks, sports forms, quick med refill visits or a lingering rash. For those things you just want to know fast or need done now, but don’t want to spend 2 hours resolving. For those things that really make you worry as a parent. Instead of the millisecond-mall-type clinic, we all want our doctors, our clinics, and our child’s team to provide health care. In my opinion, parents and pediatricians both believe in the medical home.

McClinic?

Imagine if you knew your doctor did the drive-thru on Tuesday afternoons. Would you swing by to ask about that rash you’re worried about or to check in on your child’s ears? Follow up on a new seizure medication? What if it didn’t even require a call ahead of time? What if tight time restraints were agreed upon (say 7 minute visits or so) in advance so the patient/physician agenda was aligned? Swing by on your way to daycare?

We want quality, trust, and mobility when it comes to health care. We want easy access, too. Of course we must fight for improved electronic visits and online advice. We want comprehensive, compassionate preventative care. We will need in-office visits, yes. And sometimes we need hands-on more urgent care, too. Now the “kwik-clinic” idea isn’t new, I know. Even hospitals are opening urgent-care clinics throughout the country. But your pediatrician often isn’t involved.  So what about that drive-thru: Read full post »

Marissa Mayer Back To Work

Yesterday I started to see a number of tweets from parents and fellow pediatricians on Twitter criticizing Marissa Mayer for announcing that she’d return to work within 1-2 weeks of the delivery of her first child.

First off, I’ll start with my assumptions:

I’m authoring this post in the belief that Ms Mayer has access to quality health care–that is, she has the ear of a board-certified obstetrician, a board-certified pediatrician, and access to a lactation consultant as needed. My hunch is that if she needs info on evidence-based ramifications, from a health perspective, of going back to work 1-2 weeks postpartum, she can get the data she needs. Since she used to work at Google, I suspect she understands how to find what she needs online as well.

Assumptions acknowledged, I’d like to give Ms Mayer the respect she deserves. Faulting her for not making a traditional choice is devoid of context. She is lauded for her enormously successful career at a young age. She is the youngest CEO of any Fortune 500 company. To me it appears she has savvy and skill, invention and grit. Thanks in part to Ms Mayer as the first-female engineer at Google, we enjoy an entirely different electronic world with Gmail, Google search, maps, and images.

As we expect and work to have women hold an increased share of leadership jobs, academic or not, we must acknowledge we can’t have it both ways. “Women are still missing from medicine’s top ranks,” for example. We can’t want and wait for more and more women to have their hands at the wheels of powerful companies and organizations, only to question their commitment to their personal and their children’s health and well-being when they return to work. One week or 6 months postpartum… Read full post »

Miserable School Drop-Offs

Sometimes it feels like we’ve got it all in control, a new school, a new schedule, a return back to work obligations. We can set the alarm early, burn the midnight oil, pack the school lunch ahead of time, rise up and meet the challenge. Sometimes it all works and everyone thrives.

Sometimes, no.

Sometimes it is simply miserable to leave our children behind and trudge off to work.

Miserable.

It doesn’t mean we don’t care about our jobs or that we lack compassion, or a passion, intent, or drive to serve. It really can mean that we just love our children.

A recent drop-off at school reminded me. Read full post »

Striving For “Polygamy” In The Digital Age

Dr Stephen Ludwig, one of my most treasured mentors from medical school gave a speech last year that he entitled, “Striving For Polygamy.”  I didn’t get to hear it live but I’ve read the speech many times since then. He wasn’t talking about polygamy like you’d expect. Rather, he spoke to the goal of balancing a set of  marriages described by the poet David Whyte in his book, The Three Marriages. The goal for all of us might be balancing 3 essential marriages in our lives: a marriage to our family, a marriage to our work, and a marriage to ourselves. Where social and digital media fit into this “polygamy” remains unknown. That’s where we’re all working hard to find harmony with our devices, as seemingly technology lives in all 3 of these spheres.

Think about it. How often do we take the time to put all three of these marriages on the table? I certainly don’t balance these well all the time. Although I believe in compartmentalization, the act of prioritizing ourselves amidst our deadlines while in the presence of our beautiful children is a challenge. Often when we’re raising young children we fall out of balance–the necessary daily tasks in raising children to adulthood take over while pushing other commitments asunder. When coupled with work, our personal care suffers. This imbalance creates a work-family frenzy for so many of us where we’re left with a dearth of time for personal reflection and much less silence.

In a quest for silence, I’m taking a 1 month sabbatical from the blog. Last August I took a sabbatical away from social tools to create more space and time with my children and more time in search of reflection and quiet. Stillness.

Technology and ever-available networks, communities, work inboxes, and devices have incredible and essential utility in improving our lives and our health. But so does the real, quiet world. I’ll be back in September. In the meantime, I’ll be with my family and friends, my patients, and the ever-elusive silence that surrounds us.

Sick Day

I had an unexpected gift this week: a not-so-sick sick day with my 5 year-old. And it really couldn’t have come at a better time.

We’ve never had a sick day like this before and he’s off to Kindergarten in September so the days were running out for preschool stolen-away sick leave.

In the past when he’s been ill he’s been well enough for me to head off to clinic or work and he’s been home with my mom or his nanny. I’ve ached in the absence but pushed through knowing it really wasn’t me he needed but rest and time away from school. Previously I knew that my patients needed me more.

This time he spooked me. Late Sunday night he developed a booming fever and complained about significant abdominal pain. He skipped dinner, plodded off to bed, and made a series of sweat circles on the sheets. My husband and I were both sitting on the edge of his bed hovering near midnight negotiating the logistics of heading to the ER. I went through the lists of the different diagnoses I imagined could cause his symptoms. I worried. We made plans for his brother, figured out who would go to the ER, and started solidifying next steps. Just then, he stopped complaining of pain and went back to sleep.

I didn’t lose my worry. I tossed and turned. I got up and organized my closet late into the night and tidied little piles repeatedly. I didn’t really sleep.

By morning, the fever was gone. The pain had improved and he joined us at the breakfast table. He downed his breakfast so we took his brother to school. And me? I got the day with my boy all to myself, I got to be home with him–worry changes everything. Read full post »

‘Having It All’: Stumbling

I read The Atlantic piece written by Anne-Marie Slaughter entitled Why Women Still Can’t Have It All this past week. Make sure you block off a 1/2 day from work if you want to read it. It takes a good number of minutes to get through and I found myself kind of staring at the wall after I’d finished. Slaughter does a beautiful job spelling out the glaring issues of our time for working women using her intense personal experience and her extensive education. She lays out her thesis for our inability to “have it all” as working mothers circa 2012 and she illuminates the traps so many of us stumble into as we work and raise our children. Yet knowing all this didn’t really help in the immediate.

Differing gender roles, division of responsibility issues at home, and the juggle (tug-o-war) many women feel with balancing the needs of their family and the needs of their careers aren’t new. But Ms Slaughter does draw us in. I haven’t had a chance to chat about it at any water cooler, but I have watched and listened and lingered online. The article was a huge success for the magazine; even my husband notices a dust cloud at work. A ripple in the lake of life for many of us, for sure.

Let me break down my response in a few chunks. This isn’t exactly steady and linear for me. This isn’t a thesis or rebuttal either, just a reaction. Read full post »

Surviving Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety varies WIDELY between children. Some babies become hysterical when Mom is out of sight for a very short time, while other children seem to demonstrate ongoing anxiety at separations during infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool. I’ve got one of each in my home. The trick for surviving separation anxiety demands preparation, brisk transitions, and the evolution of time. I would suggest we parents suffer as much as our children do when we leave. Even though we are often reminded that our children stop crying within minutes of our leave-taking, how many of you have felt like you’re “doing it all wrong” when your child clings to your legs, sobs for you to stay, and mourns the parting? As a working mom, separation anxiety creates questions for me. Although it is an entirely normal behavior and a beautiful sign of a meaningful attachment, separation anxiety can be exquisitely unsettling for us all. Here are facts about separation anxiety and 6 tips to improve the transitions I’ve learned the hard way (I’ve made about every mistake). Read full post »