‘worklifebalance’

All Articles tagged ‘worklifebalance’

The Lion Dad And Over-Enrolled Kids

photo[1]Someone mentioned recently that I was potentially a Tiger Mom. That’s when I realized we have a Lion Dad situation around here.

So many of us now “co-parent” our children. We share the responsibilities of raising children with our spouse or partner. Although co-parenting usually describes parents separated or divorced who take turns raising children, I think “co-parenting” describes many of us living together while raising children, too. In our home everything from feeding to toilet training, preschool pick-ups to soccer sign-up, and bathing to bedtime routines are divided and diced. The dance is typically elaborate and often it can be very messy. Sometimes it makes no sense how we split the tasks and of course sometimes we mess up– both forgetting something that needs to be done. I often feel like we’re always the last ones signing up for parent conference or preschool home visits–we just aren’t entirely always on top of our game! I know you know what I mean—so many of us divvy up the tasks necessary in raising children these days I’d suggest this co-parenting is just a part of modern parenting. A tango of sorts.

So it’s awkward at times that women, particularly those of us who work outside the home, are the key go-to or point person for outside institutions, families, and sports teams when someone tries to reach in and coordinate with us. I often feel the world is behind the times. Read full post »

Ways To Decrease Risk Of Breast Cancer

When we have children, many of us slip in the self-care department. We may not eat as well, not exercise like we did “pre-baby,” and don’t have time to go and see our own doctors. Simply put, our own care doesn’t come first. Parenthood immediately demotes our status…

All fine in some ways. It’s astonishingly wonderful to care so deeply about our children. That devotion still catches me off guard.

But we have to keep on top of our preventative screening. No reason not to when it may allow us a longer time to parent our children! So that’s where I come to breast cancer screening. As women, breast cancer will affect about 1 in 8 of us during our lifetime, the most common cancer in women after non-melanoma skin cancer. It can be highly curable if detected and treated early. Most women diagnosed with breast cancer are over age 50, but many are younger and some are new moms. There are some risks we need to know and scientific evidence that can help us do a better job caring for ourselves.

Share this widely, please.

Yesterday I teamed up with Dr Julie Gralow, the head of breast cancer oncology at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) and the UW on Twitter for a 1 hour conversation about moms and breast cancer– lifestyle choices, genetic risks, screening, & coping with breast cancer. I learned a ton preparing for the chat and have already tried to think about changes I’ll make in my own life. When I finished the fast-paced hour conversation I sent a note to a friend on Twitter  that I now had to head out for a run, pour out the wine in the house, call my friends to schedule mammography, and ask about a breast MRI. You’ll see why:

Lifestyle Choices May Decrease Breast Cancer Risk

Marissa Mayer Back To Work

Yesterday I started to see a number of tweets from parents and fellow pediatricians on Twitter criticizing Marissa Mayer for announcing that she’d return to work within 1-2 weeks of the delivery of her first child.

First off, I’ll start with my assumptions:

I’m authoring this post in the belief that Ms Mayer has access to quality health care–that is, she has the ear of a board-certified obstetrician, a board-certified pediatrician, and access to a lactation consultant as needed. My hunch is that if she needs info on evidence-based ramifications, from a health perspective, of going back to work 1-2 weeks postpartum, she can get the data she needs. Since she used to work at Google, I suspect she understands how to find what she needs online as well.

Assumptions acknowledged, I’d like to give Ms Mayer the respect she deserves. Faulting her for not making a traditional choice is devoid of context. She is lauded for her enormously successful career at a young age. She is the youngest CEO of any Fortune 500 company. To me it appears she has savvy and skill, invention and grit. Thanks in part to Ms Mayer as the first-female engineer at Google, we enjoy an entirely different electronic world with Gmail, Google search, maps, and images.

As we expect and work to have women hold an increased share of leadership jobs, academic or not, we must acknowledge we can’t have it both ways. “Women are still missing from medicine’s top ranks,” for example. We can’t want and wait for more and more women to have their hands at the wheels of powerful companies and organizations, only to question their commitment to their personal and their children’s health and well-being when they return to work. One week or 6 months postpartum… Read full post »

Sick Day

I had an unexpected gift this week: a not-so-sick sick day with my 5 year-old. And it really couldn’t have come at a better time.

We’ve never had a sick day like this before and he’s off to Kindergarten in September so the days were running out for preschool stolen-away sick leave.

In the past when he’s been ill he’s been well enough for me to head off to clinic or work and he’s been home with my mom or his nanny. I’ve ached in the absence but pushed through knowing it really wasn’t me he needed but rest and time away from school. Previously I knew that my patients needed me more.

This time he spooked me. Late Sunday night he developed a booming fever and complained about significant abdominal pain. He skipped dinner, plodded off to bed, and made a series of sweat circles on the sheets. My husband and I were both sitting on the edge of his bed hovering near midnight negotiating the logistics of heading to the ER. I went through the lists of the different diagnoses I imagined could cause his symptoms. I worried. We made plans for his brother, figured out who would go to the ER, and started solidifying next steps. Just then, he stopped complaining of pain and went back to sleep.

I didn’t lose my worry. I tossed and turned. I got up and organized my closet late into the night and tidied little piles repeatedly. I didn’t really sleep.

By morning, the fever was gone. The pain had improved and he joined us at the breakfast table. He downed his breakfast so we took his brother to school. And me? I got the day with my boy all to myself, I got to be home with him–worry changes everything. Read full post »

Plan A Vacation STAT

As Memorial Day weekend slips into the rear-view mirror, we set our sights on summertime. Often that includes a camping trip or vacation away from home. When it comes to travel, there’s a bit of data supporting how to do summertime right. The short version: plan a vacation today. Stop whatever you’re doing, take a Magic marker to the calendar and block off some time for your family. Trust me, it may make you happy. Right now.

Being happy, chasing happy, and achieving/experiencing happiness is often a motivator (or an excuse) for the decisions we make. Despite the ubiquitous quest for happiness, it eludes many of us. When reading about happiness, we often hear about mindfulness, the focus on the present and doing our best to live in the moment in which we live. It seems that if we just stopped planning and thinking about the future or worrying with regret about the past, we’d find ourselves entirely aware and entirely much happier. When it comes to summer vacations, the data is different.

A 2010 Dutch study found that planning for the vacation, not the vacation itself, makes you happy. We really must focus on anticipation (vacation planning) if we’re going to get the best out of our trips and travels! Positive effects of vacations don’t last long. Previous work finds that those of us who suffer from burnout return to our pre-vacation levels of stress and overwhelm just 3 to 4 weeks after the vacation ends. Therefore the Dutch study can guide us in really making the most of our limited time away… Read full post »

Surviving Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety varies WIDELY between children. Some babies become hysterical when Mom is out of sight for a very short time, while other children seem to demonstrate ongoing anxiety at separations during infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool. I’ve got one of each in my home. The trick for surviving separation anxiety demands preparation, brisk transitions, and the evolution of time. I would suggest we parents suffer as much as our children do when we leave. Even though we are often reminded that our children stop crying within minutes of our leave-taking, how many of you have felt like you’re “doing it all wrong” when your child clings to your legs, sobs for you to stay, and mourns the parting? As a working mom, separation anxiety creates questions for me. Although it is an entirely normal behavior and a beautiful sign of a meaningful attachment, separation anxiety can be exquisitely unsettling for us all. Here are facts about separation anxiety and 6 tips to improve the transitions I’ve learned the hard way (I’ve made about every mistake). Read full post »

TIME Magazine And The Mommy Middle Road

You saw the TIME magazine cover in the last 24 hours, right? Me, too. In the midst of 25 patients yesterday, moms and dads weren’t really talking about it in the office. It was in my inbox. But I hear and feel and witness the anxiety/angst we all swim around in every day as we compare parenting styles and essentially swap (pacifier) spit about how best to do this. The monogram of this parenting era is the quest for perfection. The epic win that’s constructed for us is built on prevailing over the rest. It’s not about juggling it all anymore, it’s about being tough enough to do it better than your peers. TIME magazine wants us to contemplate if we’re really “Mom Enough?”

Before you know it, you’ll be 13 decisions down the road wondering why you worried so much about what you did. You’ll care even less about what you called it. Of anything I hear over and over again from parents ahead of me on the road it’s this: “I simply wish I worried less about my choices.”

It’s a mom-eat-mom world right now and the media wants us perpetually navel-staring. Doubt sells magazines, pageviews, and books. I saw moms post opinions on Facebook this morning only to quickly take them down as they got too controversial. We’ll keep questioning ourselves and our decisions as TIME takes a supermodel, airbrushes her body and paints the cover the magazine with a provocative image for Mother’s Day. This article, this cover, this timing–this is the engineering of our age. The dinosaurs once ruled the planet—now it’s the voices online.

Your motherhood, your parenthood, your decisions. You know what? Of course, they’re Mom Enough

The cover really isn’t really about breast feeding but I’ll bite. Read full post »

The Right Choice

Every once and a while I make the right choice. I mean when it comes to work and life and striving for balance. Sometimes I say “No” just when I should. Those “No’s” gain access to the best “Yes’s” in life.

Last week at the end of a series of 3 weekends of work, I was finishing up a conference and decided at the last minute to decline the dinner with peers. I felt pressure to go but just couldn’t stand missing out on the night with my boys. I had that longing in my heart–you know the kind–where you can feel the ache of absence, where you sincerely feel the separation from your kids like a missing body part? It was strong; all at once I said “No,” just in time.

We went to a baseball game here in Seattle. We sat only 8 rows back behind the dugout. The foul balls flying near our heads (me ducking for cover), the crowd screeching, and the sky blue. The husband and the boys had their gloves. We counted airplanes flying above. We cheered and jumped up with home runs. It was a perfect night out. Delighted to be there I had these passing waves of mindfulness, or gratitude, for being with my family and not missing out once again. We were all a little giddy to be at a real baseball game and then 2 things happened that affirmed my “No” was really a magical “Yes” afterall:

  1. A teenager caught a foul ball. Then he caught another ball. Then he did what many kids do—he acted generously. He saw F sitting right in front of him with his glove up and he tossed him the ball. I mean, can you believe that? A teenager gave my little 5 year-old boy a Major League baseball…bliss.
  2. During the middle of the sixth inning, after a bag of popcorn, a small tantrum from O, a bag of peanuts, and 4 hot dogs, Pennington went up to bat. Jon leaned over to F and said, “This guy’s hitting a ball to us.” They got their gloves up and ready. The foul ball did come. And the husband really did catch it. And my boys (all 3 of them) really did leap up for joy. We even made it onto TV (see photo above)!

Two foul balls, one perfect “No,” and a Saturday night with my boys illuminated a momentous “Yes.” It doessn’t always work this way yet every once and a while we make really good and really lucky choices. And then we’re fortunate enough to witness and celebrate them while they happen. For all the suffering that remains in so many of our lives, these little spots of light must be spoken…

Cell Phone Parenthood

I loved a recent NYT article where Dr Eric Topol described Americans as surgically connected to their phones.  He also described the great opportunity that resides within the phones for getting and providing better health care. These phones are a part of our future and can be exceptional partners in measuring and preserving our wellness. These mobile devices and apps will increasingly put the patient at the center of their own care. Dr Bryan Vartabedian summarized Dr Topol’s book and reminded us that, “medicine is increasingly anchored by the individual.” Thank goodness.

But the balance of how we value and use these astoundingly powerful pocket tools remains mysterious for some of us. There is a growing body of work about the addictive properties of smart cell phones. And although I hear a lot about how we should advise our children and teens to manage their digital device use, I don’t hear as much about how we as parents can do the same.

There are countless blogs and loud rants that cross my desk (phone, I mean) shouting for moms and dads to get off their phone when they are with their children. They look a lot like this:

Now Mr Palmer wasn’t yelling at me this morning (or maybe he was), rather he was responding to some data I shared about cell phone use: 1 and 3 adults say they frequently use their cell phones at the dinner table. Read full post »

Snow Day

It’s a snow day. Snow day is a word combination in the English language that has two meanings, divergent and separately defined only by age. To a 5 year old–”snow day” sounds a little bit like “Nir-va-na”–a day that is one of life’s greatest gifts. To a 37 year-old with a few jobs, it sounds a little bit more like “stresssssss.” Snow days, of course, often leave us without child care, without a school system, and without a back-up plan. And when our work doesn’t stop, we’re left juggling a set of very cold knives.

It would be nice to exist in a culture where snow day meant the same to all of us—a perfect reason for a big gasp in the productivity machine. Play and a little more unrestricted, unscheduled time outside is good for all of us. But that’s the onerous and stark reminder we get on days like today: we really are grown-ups and there is work to be done. And since snow days aren’t a national phenomenon, those of us that collaborate with others outside of our community, “snow day” sounds a little like a fake cough when it comes to an excuse for extending a deadline…

Don’t get me wrong, safety should always remain a priority. We should fiercely protect our children from driving and walking on roads with moving traffic when it’s icy and snowy; we should stay off roads when we are urged to do so. I’m not saying schools and routine businesses shouldn’t shut down. I think we need help juggling and understanding the multiple demands on our attention even when weather intervenes. We need a plan. Our work doesn’t stop demanding our attention and sometimes our bosses’ priorities aren’t aligned with our own. Read full post »